somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
