Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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