you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
