the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That accounts for only three of the penises
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
