i don't like sucking hair
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
