I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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