I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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