My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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