I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We are two peas in an std pod
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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