i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
