He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
