therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
