i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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