So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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