ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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