Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The adults are the big ones right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
