Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
