I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please don't give away my fajitas
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
