dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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