Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
