i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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