You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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