dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
