hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
