just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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