We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
