i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
