a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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