I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This toilet bowl is my home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
