Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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