I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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