So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
