we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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