Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
