U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
