I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
