dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
