please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
