She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
