Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
