a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
