I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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