Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
