so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
