My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
