So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
