I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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