i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
