If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
