I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
