is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
