the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
