yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
