I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
