if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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